Oh, the holidays. They’re this mix of magic and mayhem. And when you’re a parent of a child with disabilities, well, things can get a tad more interesting around this time of year. Navigating the holidays can feel overwhelming—a whirlwind of expectations, social gatherings, and sensory overload. But, with careful planning and a lot of patience, you can joyfully (yes, joyfully) navigate this holiday and create some great memories along the way.
1. Preparation is Key
Let’s start with preparation because who doesn’t love a good plan?
I remember Ian used to love family gatherings (and still does), but when he was younger, it never failed that by the end of the night he would become so overwhelmed by the noise and activity that he would meltdown on the way home.
So, I started to pay attention to Ian more closely in busy, noisy spaces. I noticed he would do certain things—like moving his head from side to side or spinning in one place. He would act out more, sometimes pinching and hitting kids and adults around him.
He gave clues that he was flooded, but I just hadn’t seen them or maybe chalked them up to “bad behavior”. Eventually, I realized that what Ian needed more than anything was downtime during certain situations. Understanding his needs allowed me to plan ahead—this was a game-changer!
At family get-togethers, I’d set up a corner where he and I could retreat whenever things became too overwhelming. Sometimes a corner wasn’t enough, so we would step outside for a bit. He needed to decompress, away from the noise and the busyness. Also, having a few quiet activities seemed to help him unwind and recharge—some favorites I used to have on hand were books (we especially loved the classic series, Richard Scarry), Playdough, coloring books and crayons, and a playlist of his favorite songs. One of these typically would do the trick.
Did I nail it right away? Nope, not even close. But, over time, I became more attuned to Ian’s needs. And now that he’s a bit older, occasionally, he will recognize his own needs and let us know when it all gets to be a bit too much. I say that’s a win!
2. Involve Your Child in the Holiday Fun
For as long as I can remember, Ian and his cousin have made it a tradition to decorate a gingerbread house (we love this one from Trader Joe’s) each year, which they then share with our family during Christmas. It is something Ian looks forward to every year.
One thing I love about the holidays is the time spent with family and sharing traditions. So, why not find ways for your child to create their own unique traditions? This doesn’t have to be a huge undertaking. It’s more about simple, fun stuff, like helping put the star on the Christmas tree every year. This is another long-standing tradition in our home that Ian truly enjoys being part of.
Here are some other ideas to help your child make their own traditions:
- Check out holiday books at the library and read one each night as you count down to the holiday.
- Let them choose holiday movies and enjoy one each night leading up to the holiday.
- Have them help bake cookies and share them with neighbors.
- Allow them to pick their favorite holiday breakfast and have them help prepare it.
- Have a cozy sleepover in the living room under the tree on Christmas Eve (this is perfect for the older kids who aren’t worried about Santa coming down the chimney 😏).
- Get a mini Christmas tree for their room and let them decorate it.
- Organize a themed day or week—like Grinch, Elf, or Rudolph. Create and enjoy themed crafts, foods, and treats, and end with a movie night featuring the theme.
- Buy a new ornament each year to add to your collection.
These little things, don’t just keep them busy—they make them feel like they’re playing a big part and give them a sense of importance. Plus, it’s a great way to bond and maybe start some new traditions. After all, small moments often turn into the best memories.
3. Flexibility is Your Best Friend
Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons, doesn’t it? I’ve always been a stickler for schedules, I’m a ‘plan it out’ type of girl (which is kinda ironic since I’m notoriously late for everything). But here’s the thing— life doesn’t always go the way we plan. And you know what? That’s okay!
For families like ours, some days can be great, while others may feel like “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day” kinda days. So, what’s the game plan for when life takes a detour through the holidays?
We improvise, we adapt—that’s what.
Adapting Holiday Traditions
I’ve found the secret is to blend. You might keep some traditions but adapt others to fit your family. If a big family gathering feels too much, why not swap it for a quieter evening at home with only a few family members and your favorite board games?
Nothing says you have to have one big gathering. Several, smaller gatherings with family and friends allow you to focus on meaningful connections without overwhelming anyone. By spreading out the celebrations, you also give yourself and your family the chance to recharge between events, making each one special rather than stressful.
Consider having a brunch with close family one day, a casual evening with friends another, or even a virtual meet-up with relatives far away. This way, you can celebrate the season at your own pace, ensuring that each gathering is joyful for everyone.
Rolling With the Punches
Despite my love for plans, some of the best memories our family has had were from spur-of-the-moment decisions. We’ve jumped in the car at the last minute to see Christmas lights and grabbed hot cocoas along the way or we’ve had surprise snowball fights in the backyard. It’s when we break from what’s expected of us that we open opportunities for these special moments to happen.
Rolling with the punches can take the sting out of holiday stress. Letting go of my rigid expectations (which, let’s face it, as parents of children with disabilities, we really shouldn’t be holding onto) has given me and my family the freedom to enjoy the season in a way that feels natural and comfortable for our family.
Ya know, there’s something special about letting the holidays just kinda happen. When we stop trying to craft the ‘perfect’ experiences and start embracing the beautifully messy reality, it’s surprising how much more joy we find.
4. Self-Care in the Holiday Mayhem
In all the holiday mayhem, don’t forget about you! I know, it sounds easier said than done. But, trust me, a little ‘you-time’ can be a game changer. It’s the small things that count, like a power nap, a little bit of your favorite candy, or even just a quick breather—a little self-care goes a long way.
Let’s be clear—self-care isn’t self-indulgence, it’s survival. By looking after your own health and well-being, you’re setting yourself up to be the best parent you can be.
And don’t be shy about asking for help. There’s no shame in getting family or friends to babysit for an hour or delegating some holiday tasks. Accepting help can make a huge difference in your holiday spirit.
Self-care can help you find your own peace and joy in the holiday season. By taking care of yourself, you’re not just surviving the holidays, you’re making them better for everyone around you. Check out some other self-care tips here.
5. Embrace the Uniqueness of Your Family
Every family is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. That’s the beauty of it! By celebrating the quirks that define us and, most importantly, by having fun, we can make the holidays even more enjoyable.
But keep in mind, that creating a holiday season that fits your family’s uniqueness may lead to disappointing others at times, and that’s okay! Prioritizing what feels right for you and your family is essential, even if it goes against external expectations. Remember, the goal isn’t to satisfy everyone else; it’s to honor your family’s individuality.
I remember a Christmas when I disappointed my dad. I had decided that once Ian was old enough to truly enjoy the holiday spirit, we would celebrate Christmas Day at home—no more rushing between family gatherings.
While I didn’t want to hurt my dad’s feelings, I also wanted Ian to have the experience of staying in his pajamas and playing all day with his newly unwrapped toys—a joy I never had as a kid.
It took a little while, but my dad eventually adjusted to the idea. Those who truly care will understand and back your choices.
Wrapping Up
With some planning, flexibility, and a whole lot of patience, you can turn the holidays into a joyous celebration for the whole family.
Cheers to a magical season and creating memories that fit us! 🎉
What are some of your family’s tips for navigating the holidays? Leave them in the comments.
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