Oh, the holidays. They’re this mix of magic and mayhem. And when you’re a parent of a child with disabilities, well, things can get a tad more interesting around this time of year.
Navigating the holidays can feel overwhelming—a whirlwind of expectations, social gatherings, and sensory overload. But, with careful planning and some creativity, you can joyfully (yes, I said joyfully) navigate this holiday and make some great memories along the way.
1. Prepare For the Chaos
Let’s start with preparation because who doesn’t love a good plan?
Ian loves when our entire family gets together. The more family, the better. But when he was younger, after almost every gathering without fail, he would have a meltdown on the way home.
So, I started to pay closer attention to Ian in certain settings. I noticed that the noisier and busier it was, the more he acted out, pinching and hitting, making back-and-forth movements with his body, shaking his head from side to side, or spinning in place.
Ian was giving me all kinds of clues, but I just hadn’t seen them. He was in sensory overload or ‘flooded’ as we like to call it now.
What he needed was space. He needed to get away from the noise and the busyness and decompress.
Once I understood his needs, I could plan and prepare for our visits—this was a game-changer!
While at family’s houses, I’d find a quiet corner somewhere or move to another room away from the chaos. When that wasn’t enough, we’d step outside for a bit.
I started bringing activities that I knew would calm him, like books (Richard Scarry was always a favorite), Play-Doh, coloring books and crayons, and a playlist of his favorite songs.
Did I nail it right away? Nope, not even close. But, over time, I became more attuned to Ian’s needs. And now that he’s a bit older, occasionally, he will recognize his own needs and let us know when it gets to be too much. I’d say that’s progress!
2. Create New Traditions
For as long as I can remember, every holiday, Ian and his cousin have decorated a gingerbread house together (we love this one from Trader Joe’s). It is something Ian looks forward to every year. Now that they have gotten older, we recently turned it into a decorating contest with all the cousins-super fun!
Holiday traditions are nothing new. But what about changing them up and allowing your child to find ways to create their very own traditions? It doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be something as simple as having them crown the tree with the star or angel every Christmas. This is another long-standing tradition in our home that Ian loves being in charge of.
Here are some other simple, fun ideas:
- Check out holiday books at the library and read one each night as you count down to the holiday.
- Let them choose holiday movies and enjoy one each night leading up to the holiday.
- Have them help bake cookies and share them with neighbors.
- Allow them to pick their favorite holiday breakfast and have them help prepare it.
- Have a cozy sleepover in the living room under the tree on Christmas Eve. This is perfect for the older kids who aren’t worried about Santa coming down the chimney 😏.
- Get a mini Christmas tree for their room and let them decorate it.
- Organize a themed day or week like Grinch, Elf, or Rudolph. Create and enjoy themed crafts, foods, and treats, and end with a movie night featuring the theme.
- Buy a new ornament each year to add to your collection.
Simple activities like these don’t just keep them busy; they can make them feel like they’re playing an important role in the holiday fun. These small moments can often turn into the best memories.
3. Be Flexible When Possible
I love my to-do lists. I’m also a ‘plan it out’ kinda girl (which is ironic since I’m notoriously late for everything, lol). But here’s the thing—life doesn’t always go the way we plan or fit nicely on a to-do list. And you know what? That’s okay!
For families like ours, some days can be going great, while others may feel like “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day” kinda days. So, what do we do when life takes a detour, especially during the holidays?
We wing it!
Adjusting Holiday Traditions
Mix it up. Keep some of the old traditions and adapt others to fit your family’s needs. If a big family gathering is too much, consider swapping it for a quieter evening at home with a few close friends and your favorite board games.
Nothing says you have to have one big gathering. Several smaller gatherings with family and friends allow you to focus on meaningful connections without overwhelming anyone. By spreading out the celebrations, you also give yourself and your family the chance to recharge between events, making each one special rather than stressful.
Consider having a brunch with close family one day, a casual evening with friends another, or even a virtual meet-up with relatives far away. This way, you can celebrate the season at your own pace, ensuring that each gathering is joyful for everyone.
Rolling With the Punches
There’s something freeing about letting life unfold on its own sometimes, especially around the holidays. When we stop trying to craft the ‘perfect’ experiences and start embracing the beautifully messy reality, it’s surprising how much more joy we find in the moment.
Sometimes, spontaneous moments can create some of the best memories. I remember the fun of hopping into the car at the last minute to check out Christmas lights, playing holiday music, and sipping hot cocoa during the drive, or unexpectedly having snowball fights in the backyard.
Being flexible can help alleviate holiday stress. When I let go of my expectations (which, let’s face it, as parents of children with disabilities, expectations go out the window), it’s given our family the freedom to enjoy the season in a way that feels natural and comfortable.
4. Make Self-Care a Priority
Amid all the holiday chaos, don’t forget about yourself! I know, it seems easier said than done, right? But seriously, carving out a little “me-time” can be a game-changer. I sneak in self-care with little things, like a quick 10-minute snooze or a brisk walk around the block. Sometimes, even a solo trip to the store feels like a mini-victory.
And don’t hesitate to ask for help. Seriously, there’s nothing wrong with letting your family or friends step in to babysit for a bit or handing off tasks from your long to-do list. Give yourself permission to take a break, for Pete’s sake.
Let’s be crystal clear—self-care isn’t about self-indulgence; it’s about survival! When you take charge of your mind and body, you’re deciding to be your best self for you and your loved ones.
Related: 10 Quick and Easy Tips to Prevent Caregiver Burnout | 5 Easy Ways for Caregivers to Socially Reconnect
5. Embrace Your Uniqueness
Every family is unique. What works for one may not work for another. By celebrating the quirks that define us and, most importantly, by having fun with them, we can make the holidays a little bit less stressful.
Sometimes when you tailor the holiday to fit your family’s unique needs, it might not sit well with everyone else—and that’s totally fine! Prioritizing what feels right for you and your family is essential, even if it goes against others’ expectations.
Many years ago, I had decided that once Ian was old enough to understand the meaning of the holiday, we would celebrate Christmas Day at our own home instead of hopping around from relative to relative’s homes. This greatly disappointed my dad. It was difficult for him to break from tradition.
Of course, I didn’t want to hurt my dad’s feelings, but I also didn’t want Ian’s Christmases to be a blur like mine were as a young child. I wanted him to be able to hang out at home all day in his pajamas, enjoying his gifts.
My dad eventually came around. We started a new tradition on a different day. It turned out to be okay. You know what I learned? It may take some time, but those who truly care will get it and back you up in your decisions.
Final Thoughts
By blending tradition with creativity and a touch of spontaneity, you can craft a holiday season that is joyful and meaningful for everyone. Cheers to a magical season and creating unforgettable moments that celebrate your family’s unique charm!! 🎉
What are some of your family’s tips for navigating the holidays? Be sure to leave them in the comments.
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